07 July 2006
My theory of the Government paid braker
It's rush hour time out here on the west coast (actually there's almost always traffic in Seattle). Nothing puts you in a great mood like sitting in traffic on a Friday afternoon. It's the perfect way to begin a weekend, in my opinion.
It starts like this: here you are driving along, making great time, as you head home from a long week at work. Then you see it. Yeah, up there, about a half mile in front of you. Brake lights. You know the ones I'm talking about. They're are the ones you start to see right after you pass the last exit that would lead you to the alternate route home. You're stuck now. Here you are in the midst of all the other poor saps trying to make it home. You try to maintain your cool as you listen to the irritating commercials on the radio and watch the guy next to you, who has been picking his nose for the last five minutes. You start to wonder "what is causing all this traffic?" There must be an accident up ahead that has lanes blocked. Firetrucks, ambulances, state patrol, flashing lights- the whole bit...
Finally you see it. Traffic is starting to break up and move. You figure any moment you'll see the carnage of twisted metal and bodies on the highway. You reach the spot where the backup begins AND... Nothing. Nope, not a damn thing. What the Hell? My theory? Government Paid Brakers (GPB) The GPB is someone "they" send out just to cause traffic problems. They get out in front of a pack of cars and slowly begin to brake. The effect dominos right down the line causing a traffic backup. Elle asked me why the government would send out the GPBs. Easy. If people are stuck in traffic, they sit there idling and use up more gas. More gas sales equals more tax revenue for the state (especially WA since we have the 10th highest gas tax in the country). Also cars moving at slower speeds cause less wear on the highway and therefore less repairs. It's a racket I tell you. Watch for them next time you're out the freeway and you'll see them. It's the a-hole in front of you in the non-description sedan that's braking for no good reason.
It starts like this: here you are driving along, making great time, as you head home from a long week at work. Then you see it. Yeah, up there, about a half mile in front of you. Brake lights. You know the ones I'm talking about. They're are the ones you start to see right after you pass the last exit that would lead you to the alternate route home. You're stuck now. Here you are in the midst of all the other poor saps trying to make it home. You try to maintain your cool as you listen to the irritating commercials on the radio and watch the guy next to you, who has been picking his nose for the last five minutes. You start to wonder "what is causing all this traffic?" There must be an accident up ahead that has lanes blocked. Firetrucks, ambulances, state patrol, flashing lights- the whole bit...
Finally you see it. Traffic is starting to break up and move. You figure any moment you'll see the carnage of twisted metal and bodies on the highway. You reach the spot where the backup begins AND... Nothing. Nope, not a damn thing. What the Hell? My theory? Government Paid Brakers (GPB) The GPB is someone "they" send out just to cause traffic problems. They get out in front of a pack of cars and slowly begin to brake. The effect dominos right down the line causing a traffic backup. Elle asked me why the government would send out the GPBs. Easy. If people are stuck in traffic, they sit there idling and use up more gas. More gas sales equals more tax revenue for the state (especially WA since we have the 10th highest gas tax in the country). Also cars moving at slower speeds cause less wear on the highway and therefore less repairs. It's a racket I tell you. Watch for them next time you're out the freeway and you'll see them. It's the a-hole in front of you in the non-description sedan that's braking for no good reason.
Labels: gov't dumbness
5 Comments:
Etc
Does anyone ever read this little line at the bottom of the blog?
GAWKERS.
They drive me CRAZY!!
You'll be driving along and suddenly traffic comes to an almost halt. You putz around and get to the break up point to see flashing lights (it may be a police car, ambulance, firetruck... HELL, it might just be a tow truck picking up some poor schmuck who's car gave out on him)... only IT'S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY! You have spent an extra half hour stuck in traffic because the idiots in front of you felt it was more important to gawk and stare than to continue driving.
Grrr.
I hate gawkers....
This has nothing to do with GPB, but I thought you should know about it. http://www.overheardatthebeach.com/ So much to protest. So little time.
Best,
Suzanne
Living in Vancouver (Canada) I understand the traffic. On Highway 1 out here, there are several exits through Vancouver proper. Then you hit Burnaby - traffic crawls past the first and second exits, then opens up. However YOU MUST take the third exit, or it will back up and there are no more exits for a goodly long time (nature reserve of some sort doesn't allow any exits from the freeway). And you're stuck. God forbid you should be in the centre or HOV lane by the time you hit the next exit.